If you’re bisexual, you’ve probably encountered someone who doesn’t think your sexuality is valid, or someone who thinks you either have to be straight or gay, but what you’ve failed to realize is that this bisexual invisibility is actually a superpower that you can use to get away with pretty much anything! Here’s how to use your bisexual invisibility to commit these four different crimes:
Grand theft auto
With your lack of visibility as a bisexual, go ahead and steal the first expensive car that you see! It’s not like law enforcement is going to arrest an invisible driver, and you have your bisexuality to thank for that. Have fun with your new Mercedes!
Breaking and entering
Similar to breaking into cars, you can also break into houses with your bisexual invisibility! You might not even have to break any locks either, just follow behind someone who’s walking through the front door or garage. You probably won’t run into any problems, but if you do, simply tell them that you’re bisexual, and then they won’t see you. Problem solved!
Public intoxication
If you feel like your sexual identity isn’t being recognized by both the queer community and heterosexuals, then go ahead and turn tf up on the city streets! Obviously you’re not visible enough to get in trouble for being shitfaced in public, so go ahead and chug down that bottle of tequila in a city park! No one even will notice because you’re attracted to more than one gender. Amazing!
Indecent exposure
Obviously this specific crime is dependent on being visible, so it’ll be no problem for a bisexual like you. Don’t be afraid to take off all your clothes and walk around town in your birthday suit! It’s totally fine if you’re the B in LGBTQ. Yay!
So if you’re discouraged about your identity not being recognized by people you know or even the widespread media, then try committing one or more of these crimes to put that bisexual invisibility to use! It’s not all bad having your identity doubted, especially when you can steal cars and walk around naked!
