3 Signs He’s Thinking About Colonizing Mars During Sex

Men: We don’t understand them! You may feel like you never quite know what’s on his mind, and that’s okay — it’s probably boring, but there is one situation where you want to be absolutely sure you’re the only thing he’s thinking about. Here are three signs that let you know your man might be thinking about colonizing Mars during sex.


He doesn’t look at you.

Direct eye contact during sex can feel a little too intense for a lot of people. If he’s kissing your neck or taking in your body, there’s no need to worry. However, if he’s staring off into the distance with a faraway twinkle in his eye while he’s inside you, then he might be dreaming of inhabiting or at least using haptic technology to experience life on Mars with the hope of one day playing a pivotal role in its colonization. We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you deserve to know.


He can’t seem to hear you.

If your man seems distracted, you can try bringing him back to reality by getting a bit more vocal. Initiate some dirty talk, or just tell him what you’re enjoying at this moment. Unfortunately, if he appears to be unable to hear you at all, then eventually shakes his head, blinks a few times, and says, “Sorry, what?” then it’s almost a sure thing that he’s fantasizing about colonizing Mars in pursuit of knowledge, resources, and validation of his hubris. You could suggest he channel his excitement and motivation into saving the planet humans are already on instead of getting us a new one to exploit and destroy, or even channel it into making you come right now, but this won’t work.



He’s pretending he’s a Mars rover and you are Mars.

If he keeps talking about your toxic soil and low gravity, then he’s probably pretending you’re Mars and he’s a rover exploring your surfaces. This follows in a long tradition of men viewing natural landscapes as women’s bodies, and yes, it’s problematic, but at least he is including you. Just count this as a win, we guess.


Men like sex but they love colonization. Look out for these telltale signs that he’s thinking about colonizing Mars while robotically thrusting inside of you, but remember, it isn’t your fault. In the meantime, you are free to think about making passionate love to the moon.