Don’t want coworkers knowing you spent your weekend drunk and sweaty while letting strangers draw all over you, but can’t hop in the shower ‘cuz the acid’s still wearing off and water is pretty scary right now? Girl, we have been there! Follow these tips to look like a functioning adult by the time you clock in!
1. Use a baby wipe!
Did you just wake up to the sound of your neighbor’s car alarm going off 30 minutes after you were supposed to leave the house? No worries, party animal! Grab a baby wipe and scrub the hell out of your legs, arms, hands, chest, and face. Take a whack at your rancid pits and crotch while you’re at it! Chances are you completely neglected hygiene on your summer fun binge this weekend, and laying low on the stink radar will help keep eyes off of the faded squiggly lines and incorrect rap quotes all over your arms.
2. Dig out the nail polish remover.
Have a little extra time in your morning and those baby wipes just aren’t cutting it? Dig through your hoarder-ish bathroom cabinets, find a bottle of nail polish remover from the girl who sublet five years ago, and massage it into your sunburned skin! Sure, it’ll burn, but not as bad as the sick ass burns your coworkers will hit you with today if they see your dumb ass covered in poorly drawn peace signs that are actually the Mercedes-Benz logo.
3. Get that cheese grater poppin’!
Body paint still not coming off despite all that abuse? Time to bust out that cheese grater and scrub off those troublesome painted patches of skin! Your epidermis can grow back, but your reputation as a dum-dum party girl will never leave you, so it’s best to get down to the dermis to fully remove any evidence of a sativa-fueled, youth-clinging, carefree weekend. Your boss will totes respect you for it.
With these helpful tips you’ll be able to hold your head high when you walk into the office. You’ll look like Coachella, even if you feel like Bonnaroo!