There’s nothing like an exotic getaway to add a little spark to your love life. But when it comes to your ex and his new girlfriend, maybe something a little more adventurous and deadly is key. Here are ten stunning romantic adventures that your ex can totally die on with his new girlfriend.
Rock Climbing in Sedona, Arizona
The mountains of Sedona provide a beautiful backdrop for a romantic and possibly fatal vacation. Your ex, Derek, and his new girlfriend “Abi with an ‘I’” will just love the quiet majesty of the park and the endless opportunities for adventure. Derek can die any number of ways here: Falling off a cliff. Getting hit by a big boulder. Drowning in his own inflated sense of self-worth. What an amazing journey this will be!
What could be more romantic than Derek falling out of a plane and dying? Nothing, that’s what! Imagine Abi watching with horror as Derek’s parachute fails to engage and he just falls and falls until he splats on the ground. Kind of like how he took your heart and metaphorically threw it out of a plane. How fun would it be for him to just completely die on a vacation with his dumb new girlfriend?!
Cave Spelunking in Upstate New York
Abi with an “I” is most certainly into random shit like cave spelunking, which would be a great way for both of them to just kind of quietly get lost in there and never come out. She’s pretty adventurous, as far as you can tell from the 50+ hours you’ve spent analyzing her social media. So maybe she’d like to watch Derek get stabbed to death by a big stalactite. Death is the greatest adventure after all!
Derek never really took you on expensive dates, which is weird because according to Facebook, Derek and Abi are almost constantly at “cocktail lounges.” Doesn’t mean he can’t die on a budget friendly staycation! You know, for old time’s sake. He could slip in the shower, or tumble off the bed or, ya know, he can choke on his lies and empty promises!
Careening over Niagra Falls, Canada
Nothing says “romance” like careening off the face of one of the world’s most famous waterfalls. The adorable town of Niagra on the Lake perhaps isn’t the best for those looking to get their heart rate up, but slipping and falling into the water and over the falls is a great action-packed way for both Derek and Abi to die.
Derek and Abi are such a cute couple. They deserve each other. And Derek deserves to die on a really beautiful trip.