Mascara has been around since 4000 B.C,. and yet no one has come up with a type of mascara that you can safely put in your mouth?! How can it look like a fun, cute toothbrush, but only be for your eyes? How?! Here’s a look at ten types of mascara that provide long, feathery lashes, but that you still can’t put in your mouth, unfortunately.
1. CoverGirl Full Lash Bloom
Sure, this mascara works great to lengthen those lashes, but that doesn’t make it any less disappointing that after creating hundreds of mascara iterations, CoverGirl has put out yet another inedible option.
2. Clinique Lash Power Mascara
This mascara is everything you could ever want from a mascara—except the most important thing. Don’t put that brush in your mouth. Your mouth will be black for days, and the taste is somewhere between paint and gasoline. Believe us; we learned it the hard way!
3. MAC False Lash Mascara
This formula will make you look like you’re wearing falsies, but the real “false” here is your false hopes of putting it in your mouth. Sorry to all the optimists out there—looks like MAC doesn’t give a shit about your beauty needs. Sorry!
4. Maybelline Great Lash Mascara
This cult classic mascara has been around since the 70s, and though we’ve invented computers and cell phones and put a man on the moon, we still haven’t managed to create a version of this iconic pink and green tube that’s okay to stick in your pie-hole. So how much have we really progressed?
5. Givenchy Phenomen’Eyes
Good luck with this one. Your eyes will look great, but that’s not the point, so you can just add Givenchy’s attempt to the pile of mascaras that you can’t put in your mouth. Man, pile is getting big. L
6. Avon Caring Curves Mascara
Same as all the others. Call us when a major beauty brand makes mascara that’s actually edible.
7. Armani Eyes to Kill Excess
Nice try, Armani, but even for a fancy, upscale mascara, it sure as hell still can’t be put in your mouth. Why???
8. L’Oreal Volume Building Mascara
Again, not for mouths. At this point, why even bother releasing a new mascara?
9. Larger Than Life Volumizing Mascara
Yep. You guessed it: “For external use only”, AKA, NO MOUTH. Booooo!
10. DiorShow Iconic Mascara
We give up. We’ll never have a mascara suitable for mouth-eating. Hopefully our granddaughters will know a brighter future, but this is one milestone that ain’t happening in our lifetime.
Well, we did our best. Mascara can give you those beautiful long lashes of your dreams, but it looks like we’ll have to wait another century before you can put one of those sweet, oily brushes in your mouth.
