10 Baby Name Ideas From Your Drunk Friend Maria


Your drunk friend Maria simply can’t believe you’re preggers! And after like four bloody marys and a couple shots, also Jeremy broke up with her, but forget it, she’s over it—today’s about thinking of some baby name ideas for you. Check out her creative suggestions for your little one.


1. Sanantha

This is a modern, drunken tweak on a solid traditional name. “Like the American Girl doll! Oh wait but also like Sex and the City. Sanantha. My allergies get so bad when I’m drunk. Does that ever happen to you?”


2. Maria

Have you considered naming your baby after your drunk friend? She says it would be an honor if she were to die. “I mean, I won’t die. I’m not suicidal over Jeremy—I mean, give me a break; he was barely employed. But, say anything should happen to me, everyone will know how good of friends we were and I feel like that’s important. Right? Don’t you? No? Whatever, it’s fine either way. I jus think iss a good name.”


3. Angle

Or what about naming your baby after your server?! While your drunk friend swears she’s putting a lot of thought into this list, she also feels like there’s room to improvise here. “Oh, sorry… Angel. Hey, hi… Angel? Over here—can we get a couple mimosas? Thanks.” What a name!


4. Farfla

This suggestion is a little less traditional, “cause it’s a noun, but… What? I’m not slurring. I’m not! You know what I’m saying. Like the other word for lightning bug, and that Joss Whatever show with the guy who looks like straight Nathan Lane. Fa-R-f-la.” Wow!


5. Sorry

This is a unique name with some unique opportunities. “Then whenever she introduces herself, she’ll have to be like I’m Sorry, and whenever anyone addresses her they’ll be apologizing. I thought of that one in the bathroom just now where literally I think I just peed for five minutes straight.”


6. Jeremy

“I know it’s a girl but what if it’s a guy and you named him after my ex? I like the name Jeremy because it’s strong and smart and supposedly wanted to marry me and maybe you could raise a boy like that who would be even better and stay with someone like me forever! Don’t worry, I wouldn’t marry your child. Anyway, doesn’t matter… I’m pretty sure it’ll be a girl.”



7. Angle

This would be such a pretty name and it’s your server’s name so… “Whoa. Weeeird. I am having a deju vu, like this just happened. Anyway, the name Angel is suh pretty. Two shots of whiskey please.”


8. Nancy

AKA Jeremy’s mom’s name. “Yeah, I met her in month three of three of our relationship and she was kind of nice and pleasant. Like, enough that I didn’t even mind when Jeremy told her I had a tattoo within five minutes of meeting her and I was like, OK Jeremy they’re in the generation that still thinks tattoos means I’m a prosssititude or something. Can you believe he said that? He also told her I talk a lot when I drink. Anyway, I think this would be a good choice if you went with a standard name and are into names that sound like our moms’ names.”


9. (muffled tears)

“Whatever, it’s fine. I’m over it and over him and it was only three months of my life.”


10. Grilled cheese sandwich

“This. Right here. I need to order food. I’m so hungry. Wait, where is Angle?”


Anyway, check out these baby name possibilities provided by your drunk friend before she goes to throw up into the subway grates outside. See you at the shower!