Author Archives for Emily Zauzmer

Sexy New Toilet Paper Roll Placed Tantalizingly Near Sad Old Toilet Paper Roll

‘Just Circling Back!’ Says Moon

Wow! Woman Just Three Athletic Skills Away From Doing Triathlon

Live Wedding Painter Branching Into Divorce Hearings

Woman Finally Ready to Settle Down After Friend’s Engagement Post Gets 697 Likes

Recipe Calls for 2 Cups Milk, 1 Teaspoon Salt, 17 Texts to Mom

Bridesmaid Memorizing Vows in Case She Needs to Go on for Bride at Last Minute

Woman Meal Prepping Everything She’ll Eat in Next 27 Minutes

‘The Secret Ingredient Is Love!’ Says Woman Who Actually Just Threw in Shit-Ton of Sugar

Phew! Woman Can Still Get 8 Hours of Sleep if She Falls Asleep 143 Minutes Ago

Unopenable Jar Wins Again

Friends Catch Up About Needing to Catch Up

Woman Only Putting Away Groceries That Need Refrigeration

Slice-and-Bake Cookies Two Steps Too Many

Woman Carefully Cropping Number of Unread Texts out of Screenshot

‘I Want to Run a Marathon,’ Says Woman Who Wants to Do the Carb-Loading Part

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