Friend Doesn’t Remember How She Got Home From Zoom Happy Hour

News

‘I’m Fine,’ Says Shivering Boyfriend Watching 1993 Superbowl in Swedish

“I’m fine,” said Lucas, visibly shaking. “This is just as good at the live thing.”

News

Talking Shit About Sabrina Allowed to Resume in Groups of 10 or Less

“Talking about it over Zoom just feels inorganic.”

News

Aw! This High School Couldn’t Hold a Graduation Ceremony, So They Sent Their Seniors a Spotify Link to Green Day’s ‘Time Of Your Life’

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end, it’s right!

Style

4 Long Summer Shorts That Perfectly Hide Your Thigh Tattoo of Scooby Doo Tripping on Acid

Ruh-roh!

News

CSA Box Contents Starting to Get A Little Wild

“This week, it had two pounds of ramps. What am I supposed to make with two pounds of ramps?”

Living

7 Creative Projects That Will Never be as Fulfilling as Organizing Your Kitchen Cabinets

You know what is soothing, practical, and sensual, but doesn’t cost $45 a class plus materials?

Entertainment

Devastating: Jenna Fischer Just Revealed Her Last Remaining ‘Office’ Memory

“When we run out of things to say, we just drop coy hints about a reunion.”

THOUGHTS

My Roommate Thinks It’s Time for Me to Get Out of the Shower. Here’s Why I Won’t.

I Don’t Call The Cops On Black People Because I Want Them Dead, I Do It Because I Want Them Scared Of Dying

I Wear A Mask To Protect All Of Us, And Also Because I Have Adult Acne

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Friend Still Bragging That Gyno Said She Had a ‘Strong Cervix’

“What is she trying to prove?”

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Mom Has Stopped Saying ‘I Miss You’ Since Figuring Out How to Update Candy Crush

“She’ll survive. I’d just rather be playing Candy Crush.”

News

Entire Stimulus Check Spent On Beans

Ultimately, $1,200 isn’t a lot money. But it sure is a lot of beans.

Thoughts

I’m Not Wasting My Day. I’m Taking Thousands of Selfies That No One Will Ever See

All while asking provocative questions like, “What do I look like?”

Style

4 Bold Lip Colors That No One Outside Your Apartment Will See Until At Least 2021

They’ll see ’em eventually!

Living

4 Objects You Can Put A Chain On And Call ‘Connell’

This is healthy!

News

Uh Oh: Bug On Ceiling Disappeared

This is not looking good for you.

News

‘What Do You Have To Lose?’ Says Friend Who Hasn’t Considered All the Things You Could Lose

Or maybe she’s right, and you’re a pushover.

Living

How To Get Abs That Look Like A Turtle’s Back

This will bring you closer to appearing to have an exoskeleton.