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Reductress

Women's News. Feminized.

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Zohran Wins Democratic Primary Despite Democratic Party’s Best Efforts

Womanspiration

Oh! This Woman Knows She’s Doomscrolling but Just Doesn’t Have Anything More Interesting to Do

“Like, should I read? Be realistic.”

Dude Corner Thoughts

DUDE CORNER: Hey, Have You Seen This Thing I Haven’t Started Looking for Yet?

I’m hoping you’ll go look for it, even though you are currently having a one-on-one with your boss.

Womanspiration

Aw! Mom Just Calling to Check in Because She Woke up in the Middle of the Night and Thought You Were Dead

A mother always knows!

News

Study Finds Wedding Will Either Inspire Woman to Marry Boyfriend or Break Up With Him

“Either it will be beautiful and reignite your belief in love, or it will be sad and existentially terrifying.”

Womanspiration

Wow! This Woman Played a Game She Used to Play as a Kid and May Never Physically Recover

“Are children inhumanly strong? Am I inhumanly weak?”

News

‘I Don’t Care, You Pick,’ Says Friend Engaging in Psychological Warfare

“It’s clear now: my roommate is evil and is out to destroy me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”

News

Woman Eyes Boyfriend Suspiciously After Realizing That All Her Exes Ugly

Lenore’s friends said that, yes, this obviously was the case.

News

REPORT: Young Woman Unfamiliar With Hope

“I’m well acquainted with your run-of-the-mill negative emotions like sadness, despair, and disbelief.”

News

Woman Unfamiliar With Positive Political News Throws Computer Out of Habit

“How do people process positive news?”

News

Woman Apologizes to Dead Bug as if Her Guilt Will Purify Her

“She apologized, but the spider was too dead to notice.”

Living

Uh Oh! Friend Scrolling Through Your Photos Getting Dangerously Close to the Ones You Took to See if You Are Symmetrical

Stop!!

Style

Woman Emerges From Thrifting Haze to Discover She Purchased a 19th Century Bathing Dress

“It seemed like a perfect wardrobe staple at the time.”

News

Awkward! Best Friend Just Referred to You as Her Coworker

“Take a stake and drive it through my heart, why don’t you?”

Style

QUIZ: Are You Pulling Off This Look or Can Everyone Tell You’re Wearing Shorts for the First Time?

“The shape of my calves is a secret kept between me and god.”

Living

Woman Rewarded for Time Spent in Waiting Room With More Time Waiting in Exam Room

“I don’t even have any snacks. I’ll probably die here.”

News

How Times Change! 30-Year-Old Woman Would Actually Be Really Excited to Receive an Edible Arrangement

How the years fly by!

Living

How to Stay at a Friend’s House Without Apologizing the Whole Time

Remind yourself that it’s actually more annoying to apologize a bunch.

Living

Man Aims to Get Couch in Next Couple of Years

“Yeah, like, I’m hoping it happens.”

News

Woman in Desperate Need of Therapist Who Can Slap Her

“I need my therapist to stop this destructive downward spiral by hitting me in the face.”

News

Entire Trajectory of Woman’s Life Changed by Singular Good Bowel Movement

“It was so good I finally found the energy to apply to my dream job.”

News

Lack of Car Not Deterring Woman From Taking Free Bumper Sticker

“I love feeling part of something!”

Living

QUIZ: Is It Long Covid or Stupid Brain?

6 times 8 is 48. True or false.

Entertainment

QUIZ: Can This Singer-songwriter Get Away With Having a Bad Voice or Are They a Woman?

Would you say the fact that their voice is bad “highlights how down-to-earth they are?”

News

Facebook Marketplace Interaction 20% About Furniture, 80% About Desire to Be Chased

It’s about feeding the deep psychological desire to be sought after.

News

Woman Entering Grocery Store Loses Capacity to Plan More Than Two Meals Ahead

“I guess for lunch I’ll have corn?”

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POPULAR:

  • I’m Tolerant of All Religions, Except the One I Was Raised With

  • Scientists Recommend Daily Dose of Sitting in House Feeling Weird

  • Wow! This Woman Spent Her 10,000 Hours Mastering Gchat

  • REPORT: Literally No Way of Knowing if Person Saying ‘Let’s Hang Out Sometime’ Means It

  • lana del rey - reductress Lana Del Rey Actually Dead Girl Who Mysteriously Drowned in Lake

  • How to Get Into Rock Climbing as if You Don’t Have Enough Real-Life Challenges to Face

WOMANSPIRATION

Woah! This Woman’s Jean Shorts Are So Long They’re Actually Just Jeans

Aw! Man Refers to Platonic Soulmate as ‘a Buddy of Mine’

Woman Silences Fictional Intrusive Thought With Real-Life Embarrassing Memory

see more...

PRINT EDITION

Uh Oh! Living Vicariously Through Friend’s Budding Romance Not Fun Anymore

Woman Revels in Magnificent Triumph of Correctly Guessing Password She Created

Sweaty Woman Walking Into Office Turns Into Solid Block of Ice

see more...

THOUGHTS

Why Cigarettes Are Visually Disgusti – Oh, a Woman Is Holding One? Never Mind

Why I Stopped Focusing on the Negatives and Started Focusing on the Gay Incest in ‘The White Lotus’

DUDE CORNER: I Would Like to Come Back Into Your Life to Tell You How Well I’m Doing

see more...
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