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Reductress

Women's News. Feminized.

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Prayers of Millions Powerless to Protect Pope Against 17 Minutes With J.D. Vance

News

Lack of Car Not Deterring Woman From Taking Free Bumper Sticker

“I love feeling part of something!”

Womanspiration

Goals! Woman’s Shoes Not Appropriate for Any Occasion

“They’re simultaneously too much and too little.”

Living

QUIZ: Is It Long Covid or Stupid Brain?

6 times 8 is 48. True or false.

Entertainment

QUIZ: Can This Singer-songwriter Get Away With Having a Bad Voice or Are They a Woman?

Would you say the fact that their voice is bad “highlights how down-to-earth they are?”

News

Facebook Marketplace Interaction 20% About Furniture, 80% About Desire to Be Chased

It’s about feeding the deep psychological desire to be sought after.

News

Woman Entering Grocery Store Loses Capacity to Plan More Than Two Meals Ahead

“I guess for lunch I’ll have corn?”

Living

Spring Cleaning! Donation Pile Dutifully Moved From Corner of Bedroom to Living Room

She’s moving the pile out of her own space and into everyone else’s space.

Thoughts

Look, It’s Up to El Salvador if They Want to Fix Our Indisputably Evil Fuckup

Sorry, did I say fuckup? I meant victory.

News

REPORT: Boyfriend Stuck in Duvet Cover

“He told me he had this ‘special way’ to put a duvet cover back on.”

News

Group Text Celebrates 500th Consecutive Day of Being Active Nonstop

“My phone buzzes every nine minutes exactly.”

Thoughts

Why Cigarettes Are Visually Disgusti – Oh, a Woman Is Holding One? Never Mind

My eyes pop out of my head, my jaw drops, and my tongue rolls onto the floor.

Love and Sex

REPORT: Boyfriend Assumed You Were Booking That

“You always book stuff! So I assumed you would continue to book stuff!”

Living

Woman Figures Single Use Plastic Less Bad if She Uses It Way Too Many Times

“Single-use plastics are 100-use plastics in my home, baby!”

News

Woman Spends Entirety of 30s Resting Between Sets at the Gym

“A decade is roughly enough time to start to feel like I’m ready to start that second set.”

News

REPORT: Minnesotan Ambulance Just Needs to Scoot Past Ya

“We’re certainly in a rush, but we don’t mean to inconvenience anyone.”

News

Introvert Requires 48 Hours of Alone Time to Recover From 15-Minute Conversation

“Engaging verbally with another human just drops my energy levels to zero.”

Thoughts

Why I Stopped Focusing on the Negatives and Started Focusing on the Gay Incest in ‘The White Lotus’

Everything will be okay. Everything will not be okay with Saxon, but that’s not my problem.

Living

Scary! Younger Brother Is Someone’s Best Friend’s Annoying Boyfriend

“My god, I have full body chills.”

News

Roommate Convinced Apartment Is Haunted by Ghost Who Only Ever Takes Out the Recycling

“Sometimes, certain hard plastics and empty cans of soda are also gone.”

Living

Woman Would Have Awesome Thoughts if She Were Comfortable With Even One Minute of Boredom

“Why would I opt for boredom? Boredom sucks.”

News

Woman Completes Every Single Work Task Between 4 p.m. and 4:45 p.m.

Harmony maintains that she can only work under extreme duress.

Living

How to Wake Up Earlier Even Though That’s Going to Make Your Day Longer

Attempt to find joy in being awake and alive?

News

REPORT: Meaning of Tattoo Will Certainly Convince Parents to Like It

Your parents hate tattoos, but maybe this time things will be different for no discernible reason at all.

News

Woman Spends Day Mostly Just Combining Uppers and Downers

Georgia’s heart rate is sitting at a very concerning 90 beats per minute.

News

Woman Taking Steps to Curb Negative Self-Talk or Some Stupid Shit Like That

“At least that’s my latest stupid fucking idea.”

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POPULAR:

  • 4 Things That Happen To Your Body When You Stop Eating Ass
  • STUDY: Blondes Have More Fun Despite Going on The Same Roller Coasters as the Rest of Us
  • Reductress - Crying White Woman Doctors Recommend at Least 6-8 Hours of Not Crying Per Day
  • QUIZ: Which One of Carrie Bradshaw’s Nipples Are You?
  • Bridesmaid Memorizing Vows in Case She Needs to Go on for Bride at Last Minute
  • Wow! This Woman Stopped Saying ‘Nice’ Whenever Someone Mentions the Number 69

WOMANSPIRATION

Fair Trade? This Man Mentally and Emotionally Tortured His Girlfriend for Months so She Took His Sweatshirt

Nice! New Anti-Aging Procedure Just Straight Up Transfers Your Consciousness to Anne Hathaway

Nice! This Woman Needs Every Single One of Her Senses to Be Distracted in Order to Think

see more...

PRINT EDITION

Mom Randomly Under the Impression You Still Go to Church

Live Wedding Painter Branching Into Divorce Hearings

How to Enjoy the Spring Breeze Even Though It’s Blowing Your Craft Supplies Everywhere

see more...

THOUGHTS

DUDE CORNER: I Would Like to Come Back Into Your Life to Tell You How Well I’m Doing

I LIVED IT: I Showed Friends My Favorite Movie and They Pointed Out All the Ways It’s Problematic

Why It’s Rude to Be on Your Phone at a Restaurant Unless You Just Needed to Google Something Really Quick

see more...
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