In a developing story out of Brooklyn, NY, 26-year-old Alana Mayweather is telling her reluctant friend that you’re supposed to hate all the characters on Succession, despite her absolutely adoring every single one of them.
“When I first started Succession, I didn’t get it at all. Like, how was I supposed to watch a show that’s only about rich white people?” Tyricia said. “But then I realized that it’s actually great because they all try to make each other miserable. And also Cousin Greg is kinda hot?”
Interesting point, but some people out there still don’t get the appeal.
“I started it, but I didn’t like it because I couldn’t empathize with any of the characters,” says Alana’s friend Tyricia. “They’re all so horrible! I just can’t do it.”
Fortunately, Alana was able to break it down for her.
“You’re supposed to hate all the characters on Succession,” Alana said. “That’s what makes it so good! They’re all evil, but like, in a really funny and even kind of sexy way!”
When asked if she still “hates” all the characters after watching the show live for three consecutive years, Alana was happy to explain herself.
“Of course,” Alana told us. “That’s why I can’t miss a single episode, because I need to see what terrible and unethical thing they’ll do next, and I also want to see if the person I’m rooting for is moving up on the corporate ladder.”
“But they’re all despicable and that’s the point,” added Alana, who has masturbated to Shiv, Roman, Stewie, and on one weird day, Marcia.“And sure, I’ve shed real tears for Kendall on multiple occasions, no I don’t like any of them.”
However, Alana’s friend Tyricia still had some questions.
“I just don’t understand how you could root for someone you hate,” Tyricia told us. “I’m pretty sure Alana just loves all the characters, which is fine, and she should just admit that!”
However, Alana made sure to never utter those words.
“If I met any of them in person, I would definitely hate all of them,” Alana said. “But when their dialogue is written so well, and the show has HBO’s production quality, you at least have to appreciate the artistry. Also, like, their dad really fucked them up so is it even their fault?”
“I still don’t support anything the characters do though,” Alana told us. “Please don’t misquote me on this.”
Sorry, Alana! We definitely just did!
