We’ve all been there – you’re in a restaurant, preoccupied with your fettuccine alfredo. The waiter says, “Enjoy your meal,” and you blurt out, “You too! And give your wife a big sloppy kiss from me!”
The rumors are true – this happened to me at a work dinner last week. I didn’t plan to tell our waiter to plant a nice wet smooch on his wife, it just happened. He told me to enjoy my fettuccine alfredo, and I tipped an imaginary hat, did finger guns and then the words just spilled out of my mouth.
I was humiliated. Our waiter backed away slowly, while my coworkers stared at me.
At first I wanted to sprint to the bathroom and stay there for the rest of my life, but eventually, my coworkers moved on to focus on their food. They probably also remembered all the times they’ve done the exact same thing.
I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. After all, everyone does precisely this same thing at one point or another. Plus, I’ve recovered from similar gaffes before. In kindergarten, I accidentally called my teacher “mom,” then asked her to breastfeed me coffee, and no one even talks about that anymore!
We all make conversational blunders. The very next day at work my boss said it was Wednesday when it was really Thursday. We all had a laugh, and it was no biggie! Then I said, “Wow, this is just like what I did at the restaurant. We are so silly, boss.” My boss said it wasn’t like that at all, but that’s just because she doesn’t have as much self-awareness as I do. And that’s okay!!
I’ve developed a few damage control strategies for next time. When I hear myself start to say “you too,” I can instead say “YouTube videos are awesome!” and then tell my waiter about my favorite news blooper compilations. Alternatively, I could turn it into an intellectual joke by saying “you too, Brutus?” That way, everyone at my table will think I am quick and witty.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I was all worked up over nothing. None of my coworkers are even talking about the waiter debacle anymore. No one is really talking to me at all actually, so I think this thing already blew over!
The point is, we all say stupid stuff sometimes. Next time you find yourself in this situation, don’t panic. Try not to tell your waiter to slobber all over his wife’s mouth, but if it happens, it happens. Pobody’s nerfect!
