Burlington, Vermont based health guru Stephanie Willis is a beacon of light for any woman trying to get into the swing of a healthy lifestyle. The 27-year old loves to try new workouts and diets, unless they involve hard work or effort. That’s right, this fitness queen is willing to do absolutely anything to get in shape with the exception of exercising or drinking water.
“I’m really serious about getting more fit,” Stephanie said. “I’ll do literally anything. But I definitely won’t work out or make an effort to hydrate more. It’s just a lot of work and I’m pretty busy.”
Way to want something and do absolutely nothing to get there!
When pressed on her obstinate refusal to drink water, Stephanie level-headedly explained her choices.
“I’ve tried drinking water, but it just makes me have to pee all the time which is so annoying!” she said. “Plus water tastes so boring. That’s why I drink Diet Coke. I definitely prefer the taste of regular coke, but that’s just one of the many sacrifices I make in the name of health and fitness.”
Despite Stephanie’s inspirational resolve, some people, including her best friend Tamara, aren’t convinced by the strength of her commitment.
“Steph once told me that she would sell her soul to the Devil to have abs, but I have never seen her do a core workout,” said Tamara. “I invited her to gym, to which she responded, ‘Oh, I don’t do that.’”
Luckily, Stephanie is not deterred by the haters.
“The thing about exercise is that it feels very bad,” explained Stephanie. “I can’t really breathe when I do cardio in general, and lifting weights makes my muscles hurt for days. No thank you! And I could start carrying a water bottle around but I’d never wash it and the top will start to smell weird.”
“Plus, they’re heavy and as I already explained, carrying heavy things is a no-go for me,” she added.
Regardless of these slight inconveniences, Stephanie is persevering in pursuit of all her fitness goals.
“I would seriously pay thousands of dollars, cut off a finger, learn witchcraft or do that thing where they freeze off your fat to get in shape,” Stephanie said. “But I absolutely would not exercise or drink water because those things suck.”
Yes, they do! Keep fighting the good fight, Steph.
