In an impressive story out of Brooklyn, NY, 28-year-old Elsie Peterson procrastinated for so long that she accidentally committed tax fraud.
Cool! That seems, like, hard to do!
“I knew my tendency to procrastinate was bad,” Elsie told reporters. “But I never knew it was illegal!”
Elsie insists she wasn’t trying to get out of paying her taxes, she just literally couldn’t get herself to sit down and do it.
“I thought I was just being a little scatter-brained and whimsical,” she said. “Turns out I was committing tax evasion and could be punished by up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. Whoops!”
Whoops is right!
Elsie says she doesn’t really see herself as a functioning adult, so it’s hard for her to conceptualize actually experiencing adult consequences for her actions. Or, in this case, lack thereof.
“I’m aloof and unorganized and an active detriment to myself!” she said. “I’m not a felon! Is writing ‘do taxes’ down in your to-do list every day for a year but never actually doing them a crime?”
Reporters informed her that, yes, it actually was.
“Well, I’m fucked then,” she conceded. “I haven’t done anything else on my to-do list either. What else is going to come back to bite me in the ass?”
After a quick read-through of Elsie’s to-do list, reporters said that not scheduling a doctor’s appointment for that “fucked up” mole on her back, not taking her car to the mechanic for her “unreliable brakes,” and literally never doing any of the work she’s paid to do might all end up becoming real issues for her.
At press time, Elsie had gotten so freaked out by the reporters’ words of warning, that she had actually scheduled a doctor’s appointment for that day to get her mole situation figured out. Unfortunately, she was too late, as the IRS showed up in the lobby of the doctor’s office and arrested her for tax fraud right as the nurse called her name.
Oh well! She’ll get around to it sooner or later!
