28-year-old Lisa Johnson loves to cook. Her favorite parts of her day are when she’s whipping something up in the kitchen – and she bravely refuses to ever use a fucking cutting board.
“I just feel like, when I’m in the moment, I don’t really want to stop what I’m doing to take out a cutting board,” Lisa told us. “I don’t want to interrupt the flow of my cooking, so I just kind of use whatever wrapper or counter space I have nearby.”
“I just think the cutting board is a redundant invention,” Lisa says. “There’s always a better way – like just kind of holding a piece of cheese and cutting it over a bowl.”
“If I just opened a tub of hummus or something, I figure that the lid is right there,” Lisa adds. “Also I’d rather fucking die than have to wash a cutting board just because I wanted some sliced tomatoes on my sandwich.”
Wow. What a powerful sentiment.
“Sometimes I wonder why we even got a cutting board at IKEA,” Lisa’s roommate, Victoria, said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her use it. She’s always cutting stuff on the Ziploc bag it was stored in, which invariably cuts open the bag. It’s not sanitary and kind of a disaster.”
But this sort of naysaying won’t dissuade Lisa from doing things her way.
“The cutting board is too big,” Lisa says, tears starting to well up in her eyes. “It makes handwashing it in the sink really awkward. And I don’t like its weird texture, and I don’t like the way food stains it. “I would rather die from blood loss before I will pull out a goddamn cutting board.”
Way to lay down firm boundaries. We salute you, chef!
