While a cup of joe in the morning may seem like an innocent vice, many become beholden to their caffeine addictions and long to break free from java’s grasp.
Such was the case for 24-year-old Frannie Trotter, who went cold turkey on the ‘ffeine bean earlier this month just by switching over to drinking straight sugar water like a goddamn hummingbird!
“I feel incredible,” said Trotter. “I’m more alert and I’m just lighter on my feet. And I have a remarkable amount of energy.”
Wow! Is this bitch a bitch or a bird? Because she’s drinking sugar like she’s trapped inside of a little avian body that needs it to live.
“One part sugar, three parts water,” explained Trotter. “That’s eight cups total, then I toss it all in my Nalgene and I’m good for the day. I hardly need anything else!”
Whoa! What the fuck?! That sure is a lot of sugar, but we guess if you’re living like a damn bird, then what can you do?
“When I first heard that Frannie was drinking 8 cups of sugar water a day, I was concerned,” said a friend, Esfir Iravani. “But then I thought, well I don’t really understand how hummingbirds are fine with just sugar water either, and I’m a medical doctor!”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that if it works for her, it works for me,” added Dr. Iravani.
Holy shit! Even this woman’s doctor friend can’t really say why she shouldn’t live like a GD small bird. This is crazy.
“I haven’t had a single craving for coffee since I started this new regimen,” said Trotter. “And my knee problem totally went away, I actually can’t feel my legs like at all. Everything is moving fast and I do have a searing headache.”
Sources are like, ???
“It’s safe to say I’m going to keep on leading the lifestyle of a freaking hummingbird for a very long time,” added Trotter.