I Lost My Virginity At This County Fair…Hello? I Think It’s By The Popcorn, Help?

Uhmmm… Hello? Hi, yeah, okay, so I’m at this county fair right now and I lost my virginity and am having trouble finding it? I’m like 55% sure it’s by the popcorn but I checked and it wasn’t there… can you help me find out where it went?


Growing up, my mom always told me that I lose stuff so easily, like sweatshirts and money. She would always say, “Joyce, you have to start checking your area before you leave it!!” And I thought I HAD checked my area, but I really didn’t I guess, cause my virginity is lost now and I’m like standing here confused. Hey, are you listening? I said I lost my virginity.


I came to this county fair because I’m home from college for spring break. All my friends went to Daytona Beach without me… Also, my brother Mickey is a “problem child” and my mom wanted us to have some bonding time because I’m a “good influence”. But then, after going on the Ferris wheel and eating some cotton candy, my virginity was gone!! Hello?? Has anyone found it?


Ugh… I just hate looking for lost stuff.


Yes, I obviously went the Lost and Found booth, and they said it hasn’t turned up but they’ll let me know if it does. But they didn’t even ask for my contact information so I have no idea how they’re going to contact me if they do end up finding it?? This SUCKS. I reallllllllly thought it was by the popcorn. But I just checked again and it’s not there… hello, are you there? I can see you!!



And YES, I asked to make an announcement via the speakers so everyone at this county fair could look for it but they told me that my announcement didn’t make sense but I think it did… This is what I wanted to say: “Hello? I lost my virginity at this county fair… hello?” I checked inside my backpack but obviously I would remember if I had put it in there… Fuuuuckkkkk… I’m going to check near the popcorn one more time.


Shit, I’m really starting to get worried that I will never find it??? It’s really not by the popcorn… Do you think someone ate it?? Do you think someone thought my virginity was popcorn??? It’s not, it’s different!!! Popcorn is from corn, virginity is from me… HELLO? DO YOU EVEN CARE???


I’m going to check near the popcorn one more time.