In a heartening story out of Brooklyn, NY, 27-year-old Misha Christy has complained so much that it has actually started to improve the quality of her life.
Wow, we didn’t know it could do that!
“Complaining gets a pretty bad wrap sometimes,” Misha told reporters. “But the way I’ve been doing it has only been beneficial to me. I’ve seen material improvements in my mental health, my love life, my friendships, and, somehow, my skin! Guess being a crybaby does have its benefits!”
Scientists weren’t sure how this was possible, but even they couldn’t deny the obvious improvements Misha has experienced since she stopped trying to curb her complaining and just gave into it fully.
“The data doesn’t lie,” one scientist told reporters. “We were always told that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs included basic needs, physiological needs, and self-fulfillment needs, but apparently, complaining a shit ton trumps all of that.”
“It’s like the opposite of manifestation,” said another scientist who was a bit more into the woo-woo stuff, and who the others did not endorse. “You’re supposed to speak positivity into your life! Not constantly engage in negative thoughts, emotions, and energy and still somehow end up only attracting more positivity! This goes against everything I’ve ever believed in!”
While sources close to Misha were happy for her newfound good fortune, they also were pretty surprised by this turn of events.
“She’s always complaining about stuff in her life, but never doing anything to fix it,” said Misha’s best friend, Halle. “Like, you’re telling me she complained about her crush not noticing her for three weeks and then – boom! – he’s asking her on a date and showering her with flowers? I just don’t understand it.”
Others, however, could see how this strategy might work.
“I don’t know, complaining feels, like, super fucking good,” Misha’s roommate, Charlotte, told reporters. “Even just listening to her complain fills me with a delicious rage. There has to be something to be said about just bitching until you feel good, right?”
Regardless of the reasoning, Misha said that complaining has been the best thing she has ever done for herself.
“I thought working out and going to therapy would have the most positive impact in my life,” she said. “But apparently constantly shit talking almost every aspect of my life is what I really needed to do for things to start getting better.”
As of press time, things had gotten so good for Misha that she had nothing to complain about anymore.
“I’ve never felt worse,” she said. “Maybe complaining was what really made me happiest all along.”
