In a true example of always improving upon one’s craft, your dad just took an uglier picture of you than previously thought possible.
The record-smashing moment came when Dad insisted on taking an iPhone photo of you and your friend sitting next to each other at a restaurant table because there was a “nice background”.
“While the product of my dad’s endeavor has torn my self-esteem and sense of objective reality down to newfound lows, I guess on some level I’m impressed,” you say. “I just didn’t think it could get any worse than the photos he took of me at my college graduation lunch, but here we are.”
Your dad’s sustained penchant for taking seated photos of you in poorly lit restaurants has led to some hideous work, but this picture he took for no apparent reason or occasion of you and your adult friend is redefining the genre.
“There’s an interesting combination of us being backlit but him also using flash,” you say. “As you can see, my skin looks at once pallid, dry, and greasy. Every pore is popping on Dad’s iPhone 11 dual camera.”
“My teeth are exposed in an attempt at a smile, but if you look to my red, blurry eyes, you can see the traces of fear as our waiter was actively approaching the table with our food as Dad pulled out his phone.”
The heinous quality of the resulting photo image is reportedly so abject that you now have no idea what you look like and are also wondering if this constitutes body horror. Also, we say, ‘reportedly’ but we got a look at it and woof.
Fashion and street photographer Misha Lewis weighed in on the ugliest picture of you ever taken.
“First of all, wow,” says Misha. “In the business, we would call this particular angle ‘morally bankrupt’. But personally speaking, does your dad hate you?”
Your dad could not be reached for comment because he is busy uploading the picture to Facebook with a caption about how great it was seeing you in your city, so maybe you should be less shallow and actually just appreciate that you have a dad who loves you?
Kidding! That picture is monstrous and you need to get it scrubbed from the Internet before someone from high school sees it.
