Dad Paralyzed With Fear at the Thought of Your Passport Expiring

After an abrupt call at 2pm on a Wednesday, your father warned that it has been nearly a decade since he took you to get your passport photo taken at Walgreens, and that means your passport is about to expire.


“The passport renewal process takes longer than you think, and you don’t want to be stuck in the position of having to pay to expedite the process,” he hastily explained from the house’s landline, breathing as though he just finished the annual church 5K. “Look, I’m on the website now. Are you near a computer? Can you pull it up?”


You have no plans to leave the country anytime soon, but if Dad knows one thing for sure, it’s that those fools in the government will mess something up, so you better start now before it’s too late. What if your job tries to send you on a business trip to Canada? It doesn’t matter that you work as a barista – this is still a very real possibility in his mind.


“Okay, it says you need form DS-82. Do you see where it says that? Do you need me to read you your social security number? Don’t repeat it out loud, someone might overhear and write it down,” he said sternly, even though you were alone in your room.


Dad will not get a full night of sleep until your old passport is securely mailed to state department and replaced with a fresh one. He is most terrified that you will mess up the photo part.


“It can’t be a selfie!!” he texted you 20 minutes after you promised him you would complete the rest of the process on your own and hung up. “It’s not about looking GOOD, it’s about looking RECOGNIZABLE! You can’t wear glasses in it!”



Dad hasn’t been this worked up since you casually mentioned that you weren’t sure where your W-2 was. When he hears that you can’t find your passport, he will require immediate medical attention.