Woman Without Primary Care Physician Has Cat With Allergist

Chicago, IL resident Aimee Stanley may not have a primary care physician, but she does have a cat with its very own allergist.


“I’m fine, really,” said Stanley. “As long as my little Mittens gets the care she needs for her dust and mold allergies, I don’t really need to go to the doctor all that much.”


Mittens, a black domestic shorthair cat, suffers from allergies that require monthly allergist appointments, weekly shots, and daily allergy pills. In contrast, Stanley hasn’t had a physical in six years.


“I’m probably fine,” said Stanley, checking out a mole in the mirror. “Wait, does this look symmetrical to you? Is that good or bad?”


Aimee’s friends have reached out to try to get her to go to the doctor.



“We all love Mittens, but it’s pretty ridiculous that Mittens has a doctor specifically to deal with ‘watery eyes’ and Aimee doesn’t,” said Stanley’s best friend, Kate. “I mean, it’s not even like she doesn’t have health insurance. She does. So she really has no excuse.”


“And don’t even tell me to reach out to her,” added a frustrated Wallace. “Whenever I tell her to make an appointment, she tells me she’s too busy working on Mittens’ Fifth Element Halloween costume. Like, mother of God, it’s March.”


Nevertheless, Aimee remains a proud provider to Mittens, whose allergies frequently leave her with patchy, irritated skin and minor sniffles throughout the day.


“I’ll go to the doctor one of these days,” she said, filling a vial for one of Mitten’s liquid medications to optimize kidney function. “It’s just more important to me right now that Mittens has a provider she trusts and feels comfortable around.”


At press time, Aimee was canceling her first dentist appointment in four years to place the finishing touches on Mittens’ three-story cat palace while the cat napped in an old cardboard box.