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Author Archives for Allie Rubin
How to Cope When You’re Quarantined From the Rest of Your Barbershop Quartet
STUDY: Twelve Donuts Too Much, Six Donuts Not Enough
‘I Can’t Wait to Not Have to Think About Politics Again,’ Says Woman Whose Home Will Be Underwater in Five Years
Wow! The New Prequel to ‘Babe’ is Just 90 Minutes of a Pig Giving Birth
How To Break The News To Hozier That You Can’t Take Him To Church Because of COVID
Tiny Alien Piloting Jeremy Renner’s Brain Announces New Music Dropping Soon
The 5 Most Problematic Sea Shanties We Heard the Old Sea Captain Sing On Our Company’s Annual Whale-Watching Trip
Hard-Boiled Egg Rolls Under Fridge in Misguided Quest for Freedom
Woman Can’t Wait to Tell Grandchildren About Historic Weekend Spent Waiting for President to Die
Ass That Will Not Quit Fired for Trying to Unionize
4 Halloween Costumes for Single People in Quarantine That are All Donald Fagen, the Sole Remaining Member of Steely Dan
Lizards and Iguanas: We Know the Difference Between Them
The Next Stimulus is Just a Six-Pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and a Gun With a Single Bullet in It
National Butterscotch Council Increases Recommended Daily Butterscotch Intake From One Ladle to Two
How to Get a Charlie Kaufman Pussy That Men Will Love but Never Truly Understand
How to Cum So Hard You Trigger Another Cambrian Explosion and Usher in a Wave of Unprecedented Biodiversity
5 Heartbreaking Pics of Dips With No Chips
Nation’s Teens Roll Out Plan to Teach Younger Cousins to Smoke Weed Virtually This Fall
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