In a disappointing story coming out of Brooklyn, NY, 25-year-old Janie Thomlinson has wasted yet another cup of coffee by pacing around her living room instead of doing anything productive.
According to Janie, this is all simply a part of her morning routine.
“The first cup of coffee is strictly for pacing,” she told reporters gathered at the scene. “It’s almost meditative — it calms my mind down after consuming a bunch of caffeine, and then when I’ve used up all my energy pacing, I drink a second cup of coffee in order to really get down to business.”
After further clarification, it became clear that by “get down to business,” Janie actually meant “open her laptop for the first time today.”
While Janie has comfortably adjusted to this counterintuitive process every morning, her roommate Lisa Valdez appears less than pleased with it.
“She does this every morning,” Lisa told reporters. “I don’t usually mind as long as her pacing path stays away from the TV when I’m watching it, but once I asked her to help me unpack some of our boxes and she told me that she just needed a cup of coffee first, then proceeded to waste 30 minutes just pacing back and forth.”
“I ended up just unpacking them myself,” Lisa added. “And after I finished, Janie told me she was just about to help out, but she needed another cup of coffee first.”
Although some people may say that this process is a “waste of time and energy” and even “leads to buying an unnecessary amount of coffee beans,” Janie notes that her post-coffee pacing practice is not a total waste because it also counts as her exercise for the day.
“I may not be able to motivate myself to go to the gym,” she said. “But I don’t even need a pep talk to nervously walk back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen until my nervous energy wears off. Two birds, one stone!”
When asked what the other bird would be in this situation, Janie declined to comment.
As of press time, Janie had switched to drinking matcha lattes instead of coffee, which only require five minutes of pacing back and forth before she needs to drink her “real cup” afterwards.
