In a developing story out of Chicago, 24-year old Hailey Chen is reportedly waiting to see evidence that the world will still exist in 2050 before she decides to start working toward her personal and professional goals.
“Should I be putting in effort to take my life goals seriously right now? I’ve been taking an evidence-based approach to that question,” Hailey told us. “These days, it just looks a little too likely that a world-ending apocalypse is happening within my lifetime for me to get off my ass and go full-force toward my aspirations, so I’m holding off until I know more.”
According to our sources, the global pandemic, environmental crises, rising tensions between nuclear states, and the complete takeover of the government by private interests has led Hailey to conclude that it’s kind of a toss-up whether the human world, as we now know it, will actually be around in 30 years. Since this realization, Hailey has reportedly accepted that doing anything but drinking piña coladas and lounging around with her dog would end up being a huge fucking waste of effort and time.
“I’m not even saying I need hard proof or a 100% guarantee that civilization will still be around in 20 years,” she said. “I’ll accept any kind of positive trend, any step in the right direction, or even just a gut feeling as a reason to believe human society will still be a thing by the time I’m middle-aged.”
However, when Hailey looks into the near future, she can only foresee climate refugees struggling for survival, Amazon getting a seat at the United Nations, automation destroying millions of people’s livelihoods, and Mark Zuckerberg running for President.
“I guess deep down, I get that turbulence has always been a part of human history, and I guess it is possible to pursue what is intrinsically rewarding, even in uncertain times,” said Hailey. “But I mean, Yellowstone is due to explode soon. And you know about solar flares, right?”
“Until someone can show me some reason to think we’re not all seriously fucked, I will not be grinding for meaningless titles and achievements in a world that has like, 32 years left at best, or even Google what a ‘401k’ is,” Hailey continued. “I’ll just be drinking during the day, walking my dog a bunch, and staring at the void.”
