In an unfortunate turn of events, 27-year-old Muriel Shilling has been sentenced to four years of community service for wearing the same mediocre floral halter dress to two entirely separate weddings.
The faux pas was discovered when the bride, Kelly, pointed a French-tipped finger and began crying upon realizing that Muriel was wearing the same dress she wore to Sarah’s wedding a mere six weeks earlier.
“She could have worn this dress anywhere, but Kelly’s wedding?” said bridesmaid Jenny. “It’s like she has no regard for human life.”
“Muriel has brought shame on our family,” said Kelly’s uncle, who was arrested for human trafficking in 2008. “We never imagined she’d exercise such poor judgment at such an important event.”
“She tried to trick us in to thinking it was a different dress by slapping on a shitty belt,” wailed Kelly between sobs. “Fortunately law enforcement is trained to recognize these sorts of things.”
Police removed Shilling from the premises and escorted her to county jail to await trial, amid tears and hugs from the wedding guests. Her lawyers immediately suggested pleading insanity for her crime.
“Honestly, I’ve killed a lot of people,” said Muriel’s cellmate, who is on trial for three counts of first-degree murder. “But wearing the same dress to two different weddings in the same summer? That’s chilling to even think about.”
After a plea deal, Shilling was sentence to community service instead of the standard one to three years for wearing the same mediocre outfit to two of your best friend’s weddings.
Muriel said the long hours staring at refuse remind her of her terrible offense, and that she learned a hard lesson in the ordeal: “You can’t cover up all your mistakes with a cute belt.”
