Woman Is Constantly “A Little Chilly”

Residents of Dayton, Ohio reached a breaking point this week when Patti Snyder acknowledged she was feeling “a little chilly.”


“It doesn’t matter where we go,” reports colleague, Mark Benson, who loves this kind of weather. “She’s always wrapping herself in some sort of shawl.”


“Road trips are a nightmare,” claims daughter Amelia Snyder, who thinks it’s light-sweater weather at most. “She’ll never let us or roll down the windows. During the summer I make her take her own car.”


Lucy Wong states that Snyder’s behavior has affected their relationship. “You’ll be having a deep conversation, and suddenly she’ll say, ‘Isn’t it a little nippy in here?’” Wong claims. “It’s like, ‘No, it’s not nippy, Patti, and my father is recovering nicely, thanks.’”


“And by the way, it is definitely room temperature in here,” Wong adds.



“She is a finicky customer,” says café owner, Lorna Cumbe, who just turned on a small fan, actually.


“I don’t mind bringing her every herbal tea I’ve got, but she keeps asking me to turn the A/C down,” Cumbe states. “It’s a goddamned outdoor café. That temperature you’re feeling is called ‘outside.’”


Dr. Mary Vasquez, Snyder’s physician who could really go for an iced coffee right now, says that it’s challenging to find a medical cause for Snyder’s complaints. “Every time I put a stethoscope on her, she makes a ‘ssssssss’ sound.” Vasquez claims. “One time she said my hands felt ‘icy,’ but I hadn’t even touched her yet.”


According to her family, Snyder reportedly has elaborate theories about “cross-breezes,” “backdrafts,” and “air circulation” in their home.


“It takes up a lot of time at the dinner table,” husband Leon Snyder states.


When pressed about the issue, Snyder reported, “Did someone leave a window open?”