28-year-old Brooklyn resident Vera Terkel suddenly realized that yet again, she is attracted to the most problematic character in the film she was watching this weekend.
Various sources agree that Vera really needs to get her shit together.
While watching the film Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, Vera found herself attracted to the character Cliff Booth, portrayed by actor Brad Pitt, even though he definitely killed his wife and that was played off as some kind of joke.
“Okay, look. There was a tense scene on a boat, he was holding a harpoon gun, there was a quick cutaway,” Vera said. “I dunno. I think it’s left up to the interpretation of the audience.”
Vera’s roommate Laura disagrees about there being space for different interpretations.
“Cliff definitely killed his wife, but Vera didn’t care once he took off his shirt.”
Said Vera: “He’s problematic, sure but he has a lot of other positive qualities and charms, you know?”
Thus continues Vera’s tradition of being attracted to the worst villains of TV and film history, from her early days of being attracted to Winnie The Pooh’s main antagonist, Rabbit (categorized as a “mild dick”) to more recent villains such as Breaking Bad’s Walter White and Game of Throne’s Littlefinger.
Vera has been attracted to the actor Michael Shannon in the following films and/or television shows: Shape of Water, Take Shelter, Boardwalk Empire, Man of Steel, and Revolutionary Road – all of which feature Shannon playing villains, or at the very least deeply disturbed men.
“I’m most attracted to him as General Zod where he is literally trying to destroy Earth.”
“The worse they get, the more she wants them,” said Laura. “She won’t admit it, but I know she has a thing for Thanos too.”
As predicted, Vera would not admit to being attracted to the Marvel villain, either.
“Oh please! He looks like Grimace….A hot, hot Grimace,” said Vera before trailing off and staring into the middle distance for a while.
Vera’s loved ones do concede that it’s better she exercises her proclivity for terrible men on fictional villains rather than real bad men in her real life.
“I think it’s maybe cathartic for her,” said Laura. “I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I hope she gets it out of her system.”
Vera’s current obsession is Succession, the HBO show featuring a series of terrible men.
“It’s a real hottie parade,” said Vera.
