Last Wednesday, Grace Morrow of Austin, Texas, hung a DIY chalkboard reading, “No Laptop Zone,” above the king-sized bed she shares with her husband in a desperate attempt to salvage their fading marriage.
“If he’s going to camp out here all night just staring at his screen, I’m going to do something about it,” says Grace of her dying relationship. “It’s time I started laying down the law.”
Grace suspected her husband used the laptop as a last defense against true intimacy, idly clicking through Buzzfeed articles until the wee hours of the morning. “Maybe we’d have a chance at falling in love all over again,” she adds, “if he just can get his eyes off of that damn laptop.”
“Three years ago, I had to relinquish my favorite sleeping side because it was closer to the outlet,” Grace sighed. “Last time I checked, you didn’t need an outlet to lovingly cuddle your wife.”
Since the sign went up, Grace has made an extra effort to read paperbacks and write in her journal in bed, to further emphasize that working on her complete sham of a relationship “is a team effort, Clark.”
“What happened to a little appreciation for the written word? Turning tangible pages?” Grace asked, as her indifferent husband watched videos of sloths. “Making love to your wife in bed instead of waiting until she’s asleep and jerking off to anime porn on your laptop?”
Clark has since evaded the “No Laptop” rule by retreating to the antique armchair by the window, which Grace believes is due to the location of the wireless router and USB plug, and also to avoid a practical conversation about separation.
“There’s no way his freelance graphic design work is taking up this much time,” Grace adds, regarding her husband’s blatant avoidance of intimacy. “Now he’s just doing this to spite me.”