In a busy intersection in Arlington, VA, 25-year-old Jennifer Valli is reportedly super flattered by all the cars honking at her while she is stopped at a green light to do her makeup.
According to sources, Jennifer had woken up late and was doing her makeup in the car while en route to her first appointment. When stopped at an intersection, Jennifer began furiously blinking into her mascara wand until the light turned green, and has held up traffic for a good 90 seconds as blaring honks of admiration came flooding in.
“Wow, everyone! Thank you, thank you,” said Jennifer, who was, truth be told, also thinking she was fucking killing it today as well.
“Looks like I got some new fans. It must be this new Laura Mercier foundation, huh?” she continued, checking her results in the reflection. “Nice to see it’s getting the recognition it deserves.”
Sources say the pileup of cars behind Jennifer started blaring their horns continuously as a salute to her radiant beauty.
Jennifer did a thorough scan of her rearview mirror to check if any of the honkers were cute, but was surprised to see the angry faces of people beginning to hurl verbal threats at her.
“This kind of aggression is to be expected,” said Jennifer. “After all, at the end of the day, all this attention is just another form of cat-calling. No wonder it’s getting so pushy out there.”
“BITCH, MOVE!” one driver yelled, switching lanes to zoom past her. “GET GOING!!”
“That’s not how I would’ve phrased it, but I understand his intent,” said Jennifer. “I personally think a ‘Get it, girl,’ or a ‘Bad bitch! Go ahead!’ would’ve been a clearer way to express his feelings, and avoid a potential misunderstanding.”
At press time, Jennifer is reportedly concerned that her killer beat is disturbing the flow of traffic in her city, and in the interest of the public good, vowing to tone down her makeup looks for the good of everyone.
