Earlier this week, 27-year-old Kavya Deol was diagnosed with a severe case of being highly susceptible to targeted Instagram ads for skincare products, fast fashion brands, and other impractical household items.
This is common sickness making the rounds on women and men today but with no known cure.
“I was shocked when I first got the news but if I’m being honest, I’ve always known,” says Deol. “I spent most of this year ordering $8 dresses from Shein. I have several of the same kind, but else was I supposed to do? Just scroll past the ad and donate money to a cause or something?”
Deol first started showing symptoms of her ailment a couple years ago when Instagram unleashed sponsored ads at extremely gullible people with poor money management skills.
“I guess I got a few ironic shirts at first…a custom Christmas sweater with my mom’s face on it…a few Hydroflasks here and there. A wine bra. I didn’t even know what it did until it arrived.”
Since then, her situation has worsened, spreading to her collecting 90s sitcom-themed koozies, numerous decorative pillows, multiple Baby Yoda coffee mugs, wooden signs with inspirational quotes on them in serif font, several unopened photo organizers, and fifteen iPhone cases that remain unused.
“I just had to get these cute coasters of every moon in the solar system,” says Deol. “I also got 60 pounds of yarn to stitch a crochet dog blanket.”
Although Deol is allergic to dogs, she insists that the purchase was exactly in her “aesthetic.” However, despite Deo’s insistence that she’s totally fine, her doctor is worried that her illness is now irreversible.
“I’ve never seen someone go through as many succulent plants or charcoal teeth treatments as this woman,” says her primary care provider. “We might have to pull the plug on her social media and keep her away from other people she might influence.”
“I just want to get better,” says Deol. “I love my family and friends and I want to thank them for putting up with all the socks and travel mugs they’ve received over the years.”
Deol is now on an extreme treatment plan devised to cut her off from all whimsical and/or millennial pink advertising. But with the holidays just around the corner, Deol is afraid to relapse.
“The other day I was walking outside, breathing in the fresh air, free for the first time from the scroll and then I saw an ad. Like a real-life ad on a window…for circle scarves. BOGO…” says Deol, tearing up, “I had to buy them. I couldn’t just leave them there. It was BOGO!”