In an extraordinary display of self-awareness, Nebraska resident Felicity Stormer purchased a brand new notebook only to decide it was too beautiful to fill with her shitty ideas. The decision was tough as Felicity badly wanted to line the pages of her perfect new notebook, but knew she couldn’t stain the page with her useless thoughts.
Felicity says that when she entered her local bookshop, the cobalt blue notebook immediately caught her eye.
“It was just so pretty, with its hardcover and beautiful ribbon bookmark sprouting from its spine,” Felicity told reporters. “I had to have it. But when I brought it home, all I could think was, ‘How can I defile this pristine notebook when all my ideas are so menial?’”
Felicity’s hesitation grew more apparent as the days turned into weeks, and the pages of her notebook remained blank.
“I just don’t want to waste such a beautiful canvas,” she confessed, her voice tinged with disappointment. “What if my ideas aren’t worthy of its splendor?”
The ideas that fill Felicity’s past notebooks include, “What if instead of cars people drove inside giant bubbles?” and “How many times do presidents use the bathroom on the clock? Should taxpayers have to pay for that?”
Friends and family members expressed their confusion and concern over Felicity’s hesitancy to write in her notebook.
“We thought she would be thrilled to have a new place to jot down her silly little ideas instead of sending them in the family group chat,” said her sister, Emily. “But now she’s acting as if she’s been entrusted with the Holy Grail. It’s just a notebook, for God’s sake!”
While Felicity often feels the need to broadcast her thoughts, she realized that her shitty ideas were best distributed on equally shitty channels like Twitter, not a handsome Moleskin notebook clearly more suited for anguished but beautiful poems or groundbreaking musings on the economy.
“I could write every thought that pops into my head on each page, but why would I ruin such a beautiful thing?” Felicity said. “I’m only writing on paper napkins now.”
At press time, Felicity had decided to keep the notebook in a glass box on her desk, untouched by both the paws of humans and her lackluster ponderings. A decision she thought was the best way to protect the integrity of such a fine new journal.
