Although 27-year-old Freya Houston has been known to leave one or more of her valuables behind before heading out, this time she made sure to double check that she had her phone, wallet, and keys before leaving her husband.
“It’s always the worst feeling when you’ve already walked out the door, packed the U-Haul, and hit the road with dreams of a new and better life,” Freya told reporters. “But then you check your pocket and realize you left your wallet at your now ex-husband’s place.”
She continued, “It’s even harder when you realize you can’t get back into the apartment because in addition to leaving your wallet behind, you also slid your key under the door, along with a note that read, “It’s over, David. I took the dog. Don’t try contacting me because you won’t be able to.”
Freya explained that as she’s now on husband number three and counting, she knows better to make this mistake again. Now, she makes sure to double – and sometimes even triple – check that she has everything she needs before changing her number and leaving her loving husband behind forever.
Though Freya seems to be on a new, less forgetful, and temporarily husbandless path, those closest to her are skeptical her new habits will stick.
“I don’t know, when she left Paul a few years ago, she not only forgot her phone, wallet, and keys but she also forgot to file a divorce,” said Freya’s mom, Eileen. “She was so embarrassed when she went to marry her new beau and the state said she was already legally married that she immediately left him too and forgot her wallet at the courthouse. I just find it hard to believe that she’s not going to repeat these mistakes when she inevitably leaves her next spouse.”
In spite of her mom’s claims, Freya told reporters that her new method is foolproof.
“I bought a little table to go by the front door, and I make sure to only ever set down my keys and wallet there,” she said. “It also serves as an amazing place to leave divorce papers when I’m on my way out.”
At press time, Freya had finally settled into her new apartment and had just started scrolling Tinder for a new man when she paused, slapped a hand to her head, and exclaimed, “Fuck! I forgot to throw all of his clothes out the window in a chaotic display of love and rage! Now I have to go all the way back.”
