Wide-Legged Pants You’ll Never Get Out Of Alive

Linen Wide-Legged Pant (Etsy.com, $80)

You wanted an airy pant and you got it! Unfortunately this pant is so airy and wide that it’s almost too wide, effectively creating somewhat of an abyss. You’ll live your last hours in this abyss, hollering into its hollowness, hoping to hear a response that is anything but your own voice. Thanks to your new airy bottoms, you’ll never hear another sound again, except the screams coming from inside your mind and then the sharp squeak of death. But you know what they say: BEAUTY IS PAIN, CONFUSION, AND BEING TRAPPED IN A PANT!