Why I Stopped Taking Ubers and Started Riding Around in a Bicycle Basket Like E.T.

When we see injustice in this world, it is our obligation to combat it, not just with our words but also with our actions. I have long been a critic of Uber’s unethical labor practices and realized it’s time to put my money where my mouth is. Here’s why I stopped taking Ubers and started riding around the city in a bicycle basket like E.T. from the hit film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.


It’s hard to avoid ride-share apps when you don’t know how to drive or bike and refuse to walk, but I finally found an option that aligns with my values. Unlike Uber, which encourages drivers to work long hours for low commission, I pay a hefty wage to the small child who peddles me around the city in his bike basket. I even give him bonuses for stellar work, for example if we lift off the ground and pass the light of the moon.


As “gig workers”, Uber drivers are denied full time benefits like health insurance, which I find disgusting. That’s why any time the kid who peddles me around in his bike basket falls, I immediately contact his mom to kiss the boo-boo.


I phone home, because I care.



Uber has also been accused of tracking customers through the app even while it’s not in use. To combat this breach of privacy, I have my child cyclist wear a blindfold. It gets dangerous at intersections, but if the kid doesn’t know where we are, neither will those prying ad companies.


Your move, Big Tech.


The best part of it all is that I don’t need to worry about holding a conversation while I’m in the basket. I wrap myself in a white cloth and speak in such short, stunted sentences that I’m pretty sure this kid thinks I’m a real alien. Welcome to the future of transportation.


The basket model does have its downsides, though: for one, I’m worried my driver is getting a little too attached. Last week he said, “You could be happy here. I could take care of you. I wouldn’t let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.” which is kind of uncomfortable because I’m already 27.


Seems like it’s time to cut him loose, so if anyone has recs for ethical ride-share apps, I’m all ears. But even better, if you know a kid with a basket that can fit a grown adult, I’ll be in this closet.