Sometimes, you can’t quite put your finger on what turns you off about a person. You can be infatuated with someone one minute, then see the way they run in a backpack or the way they jump up the stairs, and it gives you an immediate “ick,” an indescribable feeling of sudden repulsion. This is exactly what happened to me when my boyfriend of six months ran over a family of four with his car.
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something immediately felt off!
I love my boyfriend, but the way he just absolutely barreled into that family of four crossing the street at a crosswalk isn’t sitting right with me. Am I being unreasonable? Something about the way he yelled, “Fuck! Fuck! I hit them! I hit them with my car just now!” then appeared to momentarily panic before hurtling away in his Hyundai Sonata without checking on them was kind of gross to me. And listen, if I knew why, I would tell you!
Sorry, it’s just how I feel.
Plus, when he finished hitting the family of four presumably on their way to church (considering it was early Sunday morning), I just couldn’t get over the way he was crying. Don’t get me wrong – I think it’s awesome when men show vulnerability like that, but his face was kind of weirdly contorted in what appeared to be indescribable anguish. Something about the whole situation was just off-putting.
That’s the tough thing about an “ick.” I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is, but I know the way he zipped home then purposefully crashed the car into a nearby ravine to bury the evidence awakened something deep in my chest that was like, “Girl, I don’t know if this is the man for you.”
I’ve tried to convince myself that my boyfriend absolutely murdering four human beings with his car isn’t a dealbreaker, but it’s really hard. I just feel like I might not want to be with someone who ignored a school zone (next to the church) and hit a sweet family. I know I’m being crazy, though, which is what makes it even more frustrating – why can’t I just put this small thing aside and think of all his good qualities, like how fast he drives and how focused he gets when he’s fleeing a crime scene?
I decided I was being insane and could learn to put this feeling aside for the sake of our perfect love. The next day I saw him being rude to a service worker, though, so I immediately cut things off.