I want to warn you in advance that, yes, I have a cough and, yes, you’re going to hear it a bunch over the several hours we’re about to spend together. But I also want to assure you that my cough is unlike the other common, disgusting coughs you’ve heard around at the grocery store or on the bus. Those are hefty, rude coughs that suggest someone else should have stayed home, and that they’re being extremely inconsiderate by walking among the rest of us. My cough is different, though. Here’s why everyone else’s cough is gross, but mine is actually no big deal, so you shouldn’t worry about it.
First of all, my cough comes from me. Come on – you know me! I’m a good friend, a loyal partner, and a fantastic lover. Would someone like that have a cough that is gross and the product of a transferrable underlying illness? Didn’t think so. This is me we’re talking about! So, rest assured that when I hack up a lung every 10 minutes – an interval that will be extremely consistent – and take several long seconds to swallow down some phlegm that simply will not come up, it’s no big deal at all, and you have nothing at all to worry about.
When someone else coughs, that is a foreign cough. It is unknown and scary. You have no clue where that cough could possibly have come from! You don’t know how that person got it! My cough, however, comes directly from my girlfriend and we know exactly what it is: a contagious strain of RSV. Now, doesn’t that make you feel better?
I mean, it’s suspected to be contagious, considering I got it from her two days ago and am now out and about – likely at peak viral load – but we can never really know with these things, now can we? By the way, I’ll send our mutual friend Jessica your love as she recovers from her own cough, which is just like mine, only she got it about 48 hours after we last hung out.
I’m right there with you in thinking that we, as a society, have to practice community care. God knows are politicians aren’t going to help us! We’ve got to look out for each other and take precautions so that we’re not getting people around us sick for our own selfish reasons. I’ll be sure to say that to the guy over there who is also coughing a little bit. I consider this man to be a real asshole.
