Advocating for your boundaries can be difficult, especially when the people in your life aren’t working on themselves as much as you are. This can cause strain on interpersonal relationships, be they romantic, platonic, or even professional. That’s why I want to publicly state in a manner that no one can debate or question that being called out on my very obvious bullshit is a direct violation of my boundaries.
Boundaries are all about protecting yourself, and not doing stuff you don’t really want to do, like having emotionally difficult conversations or cleaning your shared bathtub. When someone says something like, “Will you please clean the bathtub?” you can gently explain that you can’t for a reason such as, “It’s Sunday, which is a day of rest, and while I am not Christian, I respect all the worlds’ religions,” or “I need to reserve my energy today because I’m getting drinks later with a friend whom I hate.”
If that person then insists you clean the bathtub because “we’ve lived here for three years and you literally never have”, then they are unabashedly violating your stated boundaries, and you are within your rights to diagnose them with sociopathy.
The world can be a toxic place filled with toxic people whose needs and internal lives are not as complicated as mine. That’s why it’s okay to take whatever measures necessary to protect your mental health and safety. If someone texts you explaining that you’ve hurt them, ghost them, and then block their number so you don’t have to think about the fact that you ghosted them.
Reflecting on my actions is also a violation of my boundaries.
I want to be clear: Maintaining your boundaries does not mean refusing to take personal accountability. That’s why if I ever do something wrong, I’ll be the first to own up to it, but so far, I’m just stuck in a pattern of blaming everyone else — I mean, of only meeting bad people.
So if you ever think about telling me how my actions are harmful, then I have to ask: Why are you yelling at me? This is actually scary.
I’ve had to cut a lot of people out of my life in order to protect my boundaries, but unfortunately refusing to wade through conflict is the only way for me to stay perfect. It isn’t easy, but it is the work. And I should know! I’ve been through eight therapists in six years.