At 40-year-old Cleveland-resident Bevin Palmer’s recent birthday party, it quickly became clear that she wasn’t asking, “Where did the the time go?” because she’s nostalgic. She was asking because that bitch cannot tell time.
“It feels like so much time has passed and now I am totally lost without any idea where it went,” says Bevin. “No really, is it 4 PM or midnight? How am I to know?”
Bevin’s friend group decided to rent a cabin near Lake Erie to spend the weekend cooking together, playing board games and chatting. At first, Bevin’s friends assumed she was going through some sort of existential crisis. but after watching her stare at an analog clock for over six minutes, they realized she was only asking because that motherfucker cannot tell time.
“We thought she was worried that she’s getting older,” says friend Monika Gourdain. “But after spending a weekend in a cabin full of analog clocks, we realized she was sad because she doesn’t know how they work.”
All accounts of the story reveal Bevin cannot tell time, but is not at all worried about entering her fifth decade.
“I told her not to worry and that being 40 was the best year of my life,” says Bevin’s childhood friend Danika Carden. “Then she immediately said, ‘Oh yeah, 40 sounds great, but where are the numbers on this clock?’”
Sources close to Bevin confirm this fucking bitch dared to go four decades without learning how to tell time.
“Time works in mysterious ways,” says Bevin. “Very mysterious ways. Like so mysterious that I haven’t known what time it is for two days.”