In an incomprehensible and utterly out-of-the-blue move, Morgan is now learning Italian.
Though it may seem like a bad fucking joke that Morgan would decide to just “learn” Italian when she has never expressed any interest in the language before and only took Spanish for two semesters in college, it is happening: She’s learning Italian.
We checked in with Morgan directly to see if she’s fucking shitting us.
“Yeah, I’m learning Italian!” she said.
Nice! We’re obsessed with the fact that Morgan will probably never speak English again and cut off all of her non-Italian speaking friends. Actually, cool! Most people would hate this but we’re fine with it! It’s really happening.
“I downloaded Duolingo just for daily practice, but I would love to eventually take a real class and gain conversational proficiency,” Morgan continued.
Unreal! What if instead of gaining conversational proficiency, Morgan punched us in the fucking throat, lay us down on a Twin-XL, and let us drift into a dreamless sleep so we can practice for death, because there’s clearly no afterlife in a world so chaotic that a person can wake up one day and decide to learn a literal new language like it’s fucking nothing at all!
We asked this bitch how the Italian was going because why the fuck not.
“Molto bene!” she said, which might as well be shit-ass gibberish because not everyone suddenly speaks Italian for no reason.
“I’ve been learning numbers and colors and all that, but I guess I should be focusing on the practical stuff like how to order pasta and wine!” she said while laughing like the Joker, only more psychotic.
“If I stick with it,” Morgan added, “I may reward myself with a trip to Rome!”
HAHAHA. WHAT?
At the time of press release, it was confirmed that nothing is the same anymore and Morgan is Italian now or something. Sources who are Morgan attest that this isn’t some sort of twisted mind game but just our new reality, leaving the rest of us to wonder, what the actual fuck shit fuck?
Bon voyage, Morg!
