You’ve shared everything with him—your UTI history, your dream journals from the past five years, and a detailed breakdown of every workday since you met. So why do you feel like you barely know him? Chances are, he’s hiding all his secrets in his beard. Here are the secrets he could be keeping in that chin bush:
He has a weak chin.
Kinda convenient that beard being there, isn’t it? Anything could be going on under it…like NO CHIN AT ALL. Be warned: If you confront him about his neckface, he might shut down on you completely. That beard was meant to hide his biggest secret. But if he’s going to hide his no-chin, what else could he be hiding from you? This fantasy world you’ve been living in just isn’t worth it!
He witnessed a serious crime as a child and never spoke up.
If your lumberjack sweetie is a little reserved, it could be that he’s a typical straight guy who can’t express his emotions. It could also be that he saw what happened to his next-door neighbor Mr. Winder but never told anyone, even though at eight years old he was certainly old enough to know better. Every year that goes by where he doesn’t say something just compounds his isolation, so he hides the guilt under that wise, tortured beard of his! Maybe you should leave it there.
He’s cheating on you.
If your beardie man is flaky about meeting up and always sleeping with other women, he might be cheating on you and holding this lie inside his large, well-groomed beard. It can be hard to read his unconscious signals through all that face hair, but if you suspect he’s cheating, don’t confront him right away. Men are like rubber bands: They need to pull away from you every now and then so they can snap back in your face and stay with you forever!
He’s afraid of this relationship!
Does he ignore your calls? Block you on Facebook? Avoid you when you wait outside his office after work? He might fear you, and he is hiding behind his inscrutable whiskers. Don’t ask him if he still wants to be with you—men are scared to tell you how they feel all the time! Sometimes they feel safer telling you how to feel, like, “not all crazy and upset all the time,” for example. Do what he says and maybe he’ll be less scared!
He has hard evidence that the FBI killed JFK.
While you may think your man just likes how he looks with a little scruff, the truth could be that he’s obscuring a passage omitted from the Warren Commission that proves J. Edgar Hoover had it in for Jack Kennedy since day one. This is one secret that maybe should stay hidden, so stop complaining that he scratches your face and buy him some beard oil instead.
He really loves you.
Or maybe your uncommunicative, evasive guy is actually just a shy guy with a secret: he’s madly in love with you! Studies show that men fall in love more quickly than women, and bearded men fall in love more silently than their shaven brothers, because they store the bulk of their feelings and tension in their beards. So next time he’s quiet, distant or weird with you, tell him you love him—and his beard!
Not every beard secret is a good one, so investigate at your own risk!