What Could Be Causing Your Breakouts Because Please, For the Love of God, It Can’t Be Sugar

At some point, most adults have to deal with the very teenage problem of acne breakouts. It’s tough to figure out what might be the cause of it, especially when the true source could be the amount of sugar we consume because that’s not gonna work for us. But don’t worry! We compiled a list of things that could be causing your breakouts because, please, for the love of God, it cannot be sugar. If anyone tells us we can’t have it, we will die!



This is something that about half the population deals with. We all get hormonal during, around, or nowhere near our periods. Our menstrual cycles are constantly raising and lowering our levels of some random hormone that sucks and causes nasty zits. So like that’s probably what is making you into a pizza face and definitely not the pint of Ben & Jerry’s you started eating last night and finished this morning. That is purely coincidental!


Skincare routine

Skincare can be expensive as hell! So obviously your skin would look beautiful if you had as much money as actress and Goop founder, Gwyneth Paltrow. The only reason you have acne is because you are not Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s reassuring knowing that it has nothing to do with your sugar consumption, because sugar is glucose, which is a molecule that scientists discovered and is therefore utterly vital to human life. Go back to shoving that kettle corn down your gullet!



Of course it’s stress! You work so hard, you pay attention to the news, you pay all your bills on time. No wonder you’re breaking out like a pubescent marching band member! So go ahead and eat all of those Girl Scout cookies in one sitting. It’s the only way to deal with life right now! We know. We asked a scientist. Please don’t sue us.



There are many things that can cause an acne breakout that are not a byproduct of life-saving sugarcane. Consider these options the next time someone suggests that your beautiful, natural sugar overconsumption is the culprit. Remember: Everyone’s skin is different! Someone else’s acne may be a result of their eating habits, but definitely not yours. Please, for fuck’s sake, it just can’t be!