While daily emails and notifications from the Duolingo app have always been assertive, the Duolingo Owl is leveling up his threats for you to learn a foreign language while in quarantine.
“Bitch, you know you don’t have anything better to do,” the owl said in your morning email, directed at you, specifically. “How do you say, ‘lazy motherfucker’ in Arabic?”
“Come on, answer me. I’ll wait.”
While a lack of commute and social life has left you with many more hours in the day, the uncertainty and stress of quarantine has made it hard to learn new, difficult skills like mastering a foreign language. But that hasn’t stopped a cartoon owl from calling you out on your shit.
“Your screen time went up 124% this week,” the owl accurately noted. “Didn’t see you practicing your verb conjugations. No wonder you were never fluent in Spanish.”
As you refused to get out of bed this morning, mindlessly scrolling through social media, the Duolingo app seemed to open out of nowhere, asking you if putain is preceded by a le, la, or ‘tu es le putain’.
As quarantine stretches even longer and the harassment seems to have no end in sight, you’re suddenly feeling bullied enough to finish the first level of French.
The owl added, rubbing its wings together: “You’re mine now, bitch.”
