BREAKING: Introverts Having a Fucking Ball

According to multiple sources across the country, introverts appear to be having a goddamn fucking ball right now.

 

“Everywhere we look, introverts appear to be holed up in absolute glee,” says social psychologist, Lora Ramsay. “At least from what we can tell. They’re not really giving us the time of day.”

 

Researchers have noted an increase in smiling shy faces peering from behind curtains.

 

“This is perfect,” says self-identified introvert Angelina Yates. “I just sit at home, get my work done, and read books, without hearing about anyone’s else’s weekend or favorite murder shows.

 

Another woman, Jasmine Clark, noticed that her skin started to clear up and her energy improved immediately at the outset of quarantine.

 

 

“I’m laughing more. Just to myself. Haha. Anyway, can you guys leave now?”

 

If and how these introverts will be affected by the end of quarantine is unclear, but the introverts seem optimistic.

 

“I’m never going back,” says Clark. “Consider me dead and in heaven.”