Whether it’s a housewarming, birthday party, or a Friday night in with friends, everybody loves good homemade finger foods, except for Tina. Whenever you have a party, there’s always one person (Tina) who’s “disappointed” at the lack of vegan options. To satisfy the Tina at any party, try these edible foods that will save your normal guests from Tina’s self-righteous discussions about animal rights. Because even though everyone else is happy with your grandmother’s cheese balls, Tina always finds a way to make it about her agenda.
1. Black Beans Con “Queso”
This oooey-gooey party food might taste like cardboard but looks just like your favorite south-of-the-border dip! Although most people will be revolted by the gross, oily, fake cheese, this will keep a smile on Tina’s face and have you saying, Muchos Gracias por tu silencio!
2. Hummus
Hummus is a fast and easy bite that will satisfy everyone and make Tina stop talking about the horrors of confining circus elephants. Did you know that baby elephants cry when they are ripped from their mother’s teats? Tina read about it online last week and she’s ready to tell you all the details. Better stuff her hole by having seconds of this smooth snack handy!
3. Vegetarian “Cheesy” Potato Skins with Fake-on Bits
None of the ingredients in this dish are actually considered food, but that won’t stop Tina from munching away! Tina will swear that the cheese tastes “just like real cheese,” but that’s only because her brain function is declining due to malnutrition. Yum-a-roo!
4. “Savory” Hot Pockets
These aren’t the delectable frozen version you remember from childhood, but they are just as good at keeping Tina from showing videos of puppy mills on your Apple TV. Take out all the flavorful stuff and fill the insides with bland greens and nuts. Wash them down with half a bottle of wine and they’ll almost taste like something. Almost!
5. Guacamole
Guacamole is always a crowd favorite. It’s so delicious, even your carnivore friends will devour this treat. But don’t forget to serve with ONLY organic blue corn chips for the “gluten free” guests. Apparently there’s something wrong with eating wheat too! Being normal is just too easy, right Tina?
6. Kale Chips
Crispy and packed full of iron, these burnt greens taste just like actual chips! Just kidding, they’re terrible, but Tina loves them and your friend Jane who’s trying to lose the baby weight will rave that they’re only one Weight Watchers point. Bonus!
