The University of Miami announced this week that they’d be offering an undergraduate program of study centered on organizing a group vacation. This new major, offering courses like Getting Everyone To Agree To A Hotel 101, Intro To Carpools, and Advanced “How Fucking Hard Is It To Respond To An Email Lucinda” Studies, will be available starting this fall.
“This major fills a much-needed void in our undergraduate curriculum, and it is my privilege to be the one who says, ‘It’s time,’” said University President Julio Frenk in a press conference Tuesday morning to a packed room of enthusiastic students and faculty. “We noticed over the years that we have been sending graduates out into the world who don’t know the first thing about organizing a group vacation. We’ve added this program of studies to amend that, and to better serve our students who love drinking outside and just getting away from it all.”
The new major will include brand-new courses not offered anywhere else on the planet, such as How To Convince Your Poor Friend Nadia to Still Come, We Can Worry About the Money Part Later, Seriously I Can Spot You if You Want I Got Paid This Week.
Georgia McMahon, PhD will lead the program, with the help of many other functioning alcoholic professors. Dr. McMahon got her start in Organizing a Group Vacation Studies when she tried to organize a trip to Las Vegas with some of her closest girlfriends. The professor tells us, “Things went south when Anna couldn’t take work off on Friday and Marisa didn’t like the hotel I’d picked. Gina made matters worse by suggesting we visit the Grand Canyon instead. I mean, if I wanted to go to the Grand Canyon wouldn’t I have said that first? Right? Gina only wants to go there because she doesn’t drink and is really judge-y about Vegas.”
Hours later, she adds, “That’s when I began to gather the beginnings of what would become this program.”
The most popular course thus far is Advanced “How Fucking Hard Is It To Respond To An Email Lucinda” Studies, with a 20-person long waiting list. This course specializes in ways to tell Lucinda she needs to get back to us ASAP if she wants in on the hotel. After the completion of this class, a few upperclassmen will be selected for a “She Says She Has ADD but That’s Not an Excuse” Symposium. “If there’s anywhere in the world that should be the leader in ‘typical Lucinda bullshit’ programs,” beams Dr. McMahon, “it’s Miami.”
In order to allocate the funds necessary to build an entire new department the university had to cut all arts and math programs. “Worth it,” barked one unidentified freshman, shortly before vomiting into a koi pond. “Fuckin’ WORTH IT.”
While the University of Miami is the first to officially offer courses in this field, other universities are quickly catching on. According to a source at Harvard University, they are in the process of developing an entire PhD program dedicated to Planning a Trip with Friends Where You Have Plenty of Time to Relax In Between Activities and Being Okay with Abandoning the Itinerary if Something More Fun Comes Along. “That’s good for Harvard,” says Frenk, with a smile. “But in Miami, we follow the itinerary.”
