In a shady-sounding story out of Seattle, WA, local employee Dana Schafer told her fellow coworkers that, after having spent the past two years blissfully working from home, she’s ready and excited to go back to working in the office.
“There’s so much wrong with office culture,” said Schafer. “Which is exactly why I’m so amped to get back into the office and start fixing it! As a little side project, of course.”
According to many of Schafer’s coworkers, working from home already provided the “fix” to toxic office culture, and forcing workers to go back into the office would just be a step backwards.
“I would understand if she said she wanted to transition into some sort of hybrid work schedule, with some days in the office, some days at home,” said Schafer’s coworker, Belle Thomas. “But she straight up said she wanted our company to go back to full-time in the office, five days a week, period, no exceptions. Who would want that?”
Other coworkers expressed similar misgivings about Schafer’s gung-ho attitude toward going back into the office.
“It made me wonder, ‘Am I on that show Undercover Boss?’” another coworker, Leo Williams said. “Does anyone know if that show is still on?”
Reports from those who work most closely with her allege that Schafer has also said that she “enjoys using a standing desk” and thinks her cubicle is “cozy”.
“I just don’t believe that it’s an underpaid employee saying these things,” Barbie Costner, the project manager on Schafer’s team, told reporters. “It sounds like the kind of archaic ideology an out-of-touch CEO would want to spread amongst their low-level employees.”
“I’m technically Dana’s boss, and I don’t even want that,” she continued. “It makes me question who I’ve had working under me all these years, and if maybe she’s actually my boss. It’s all just incredibly unnerving.”
At press time, Schafer was overheard asking her coworkers if they do anything other than work during business hours when working remotely, and covertly making note of the people who admitted to doing laundry or spending quality time with their children.