Watch out, world! 25-year-old Deidre Alfonso has a crush, and there’s only one way she’s gonna let her know: by mercilessly bullying him because that’s the only way she knows how to flirt.
“I know exactly how to let guys know that I’m into them,” says Deidre. “Like, if they’re kind of short, I call them ‘short’ whenever I see them. That’s what gets their attention. Plus, it’s hilarious! I’m so good at this.”
Uh oh! Deidre really thinks she’s flirting!
Several men and women that Deidre has had crushes on in the past have learned that Deidre operates by rules that were commonly seen in the fifth grade.
Deidre has been seen at bars touching men’s shoulders and calling saying, “Ew, your beard is gross!” before expecting them to buy her a drink.
“Before I got to know her, she kept calling my eyeliner ‘weird,’ says Tara Walker, who used to hook up with Deidre. “But then I realized that was her way of saying she wanted to have sex with me and I was like, okay, sure.”
Way to make your intentions clear, Deidre!
Needless to say, Deidre has had some unintended consequences from her dating strategy.
“One time I had a crush on this super hot guy who just started at work, and I was like, I gotta let him know I’m into him,” says Deidre. “So I was like, you’re such a weirdo for having a photo of your mom on your desk, and then he started crying because she just died like a month ago.”
“Anyway, we’ve been seeing each other for three months now and things are great!”
Good job, Deidre! Whatever works for you!