In a story that is as devastating as it is relatable, 26-year-old Nikhi Singh has decided to quit smoking weed because she didn’t like the way it made her feel only to realize she’s actually just like that all the time.
Oops! Might as well start smoking again!
“I would get socially anxious and weird every time I smoked, and I figured it was time to see if I could turn things around by changing my marijuana habits,” Nihki told reporters gathered at the scene. “But it’s been a few weeks now, and nothing has changed. I think I might be socially anxious and weird? Like, on my own.”
Nikhi claims that whenever she’d smoke at a party, she’d immediately go silent and get extremely paranoid. Now, when she attends parties sober, she immediately goes silent and gets extremely paranoid. It appears this is just the typical consequence of her attending a party.
“Weed doesn’t really make you weird. That’s your own shit,” said renowned cannabis researcher Francine Ryerson. “I’ve been hearing all this stuff about young people getting sweaty and nervous when they smoke. It sounds like you’re just sweaty and nervous. Now, if you became super chill after you smoked some weed, that would be the weed’s fault.”
While Nikhi expected to quit weed and come to the realization she is actually a calm, collected individual who actually has a lot going for her, if anything, her anxiety and insomnia have gotten even worse.
“I used to just get scared about two hours after smoking weed, but now I’m scared all the time,” she told reporters. “Can science explain this, please?”
Trying her hand at an explanation, Francine said, “You’re just like that. You suck. You’re not chill at all. This is the real you.”
Reporters opted not to share this information with Nihki, because it felt kind of mean.
As far as what she can do to combat this social anxiety if she’s not going to smoke weed, Nikhi’s doctor, Emma Minami, said, “I dunno, we could get you on some SSRI’s maybe? Or you could always try alcohol. Maybe molly.”
Contrary to what one might expect, Nikhi did not find this very reassuring.
As of press time, Nikhi decided it was probably in her best interest to start smoking again. If she was going to be off-putting and weird, at least it would be on her own terms.
Congrats, girl! Know yourself!
