Uh Oh: AOC Just Went Live to Talk About Why You Haven’t Gotten Your Shit Together

Awkward alert: Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez just finished one of her infamous Instagram Live streams where she breaks down one of America’s most pressing issues in simple yet urgent terms. The problem? Today she talked about how you—specifically, you—are falling apart and dragging down the rest of the country with you.


“Systemic racism. The homelessness crisis. Mass unemployment,” Ocasio-Cortez dramatically listed while maintaining eye contact and folding her laundry. “These are all important issues, but none of them fill me with the sense of profound disappointment that I feel when I think about how you’ve utterly failed to live up to your potential.”


She even stopped folding her laundry for a moment to repeat those two words: “Utterly. Failed.”


Adding insult to injury, Ocasio-Cortez went on to speculate about the reasons why more people aren’t aware that you spend each and every day dropping the ball on life.


“What you have to understand is that there are these lies with no basis in evidence, but they get repeated so many times that some people start to believe they’re true,” the New York congresswoman emphatically declared into her front-facing camera while cooking a honey garlic glazed salmon. “Lies like ‘we can’t afford Medicare for All,’ or ‘climate change is a hoax,’ or ‘you’re doing your best and no one has noticed you constantly phoning it in.’”


“You can’t let those lies spread,” Ocasio-Cortez concluded while cleaning her dishes with a spray nozzle. “And that’s another one of your character flaws: complicity!”



That’s gotta hurt. Throughout the 45-minute video, Ocasio-Cortez continued to gesticulate, point at the screen, and emotionally reflect on the traumatic nature of knowing that people like you exist and refuse to change.


“I worked as a bartender for so long just to make ends meet,” Ocasio-Cortez said while holding back tears. “Meanwhile, you can’t even get through one day without colossally fucking up somehow. Do you see why we need a complete overhaul of our broken system?”


Making matters worse, every time Ocasio-Cortez shared a well-argued point about you being a tragic farce of a human, thousands of devoted fans responded with heart reacts and words of affirmation in the chat. Some of them were phrases like “we love you AOC!” and “run for president in 2024!”, but most of them were more like “this person sounds like a total loser!” and “I hope this person crawls in a hole and dies!”


At press time, Team AOC sent a fundraising email with the subject “Disaster,” but you were the only recipient. Eep!