Though Christina Gallagher promised fellow travelers Jessie Kaplan and Sarah Wei a tour of the historic Bohemian city of Prague, the tour they received was limited to her knowledge of places where she’d hooked up with guys while studying abroad.
Rather than start the tour at Prague Castle or one of the area’s many famous Gothic cathedrals, Christina started it at a Charles University dorm building where she “lost it to Jason – well, technically lost it.”
“That’s the Starbucks where I gave Jason a BJ in the bathroom and where we later broke up,” Christina said, neglecting to mention the nearby Academy of Performing Arts, where student protests fueled the Velvet Revolution in November of 1989. “He was there working on his stupid screenplay for the whole semester after that. Kyle – the bi one – we used to go there and make out in front of the windows just to piss him off.”
On a historic street in Old Town dating back to the 9th Century, Christina said: “So this is that club I got thrown out of because I was hooking up with Marek – remember I told you about him? – In the bathroom, and I guess we set off the sprinkler or something.”
“Did you guys still wanna go to the bridge?” Christina added, referring to the Charles Bridge, a landmark of Prague since 1402. “I almost gave Marek a handjob there.”
“But I definitely gave Kyle a handjob there.”
When asked if Wenceslas Square had the same namesake as the Christmas carol, Christina shrugged and said “I dunno,” but went on to say she did know there were “some crazy strip clubs around there. Oh god, remind me to tell you the story about me and Marek and Kyle and Svetlana the next time I’m drunk.”
Christina concluded her tour by asking Jessie and Sarah if they wanted to go to Praha 3, the location of influential proto-existential author Franz Kafka’s gravestone, “to see if Georg, the guy who used to give us Molly if we showed him our boobs, still lives around there.”