In news out of San Francisco, CA, your recently fired friend, Julia, whose husband you’re fucking, tragically announced that 2023 is going to “be [her] year”.
“It’s really sad to see,” you told reporters. “She’s turned a blind eye to the obvious employment issues she’s going to be facing in the coming months and, on top of that, she literally has no idea she’s about to be served divorce papers.”
When asked why she suspected that this year was going to be a good one, Julia responded that she couldn’t put her finger on specifically why, but that it was more of a “feeling”.
“I’ve just been surrounding myself with good people these past few years,” she told reporters while you and her husband brushed elbows and stifled sexually charged giggles behind her back. “With such a solid support system, I don’t see how this couldn’t be my year!”
Sources close to Julia have expressed doubts regarding the validity of this belief.
“Her dad literally just died,” Julia’s mom Andrea told reporters. “With Julia going into her second month of unemployment with no end in sight, and her obvious marital problems, I can’t bring myself to bring it up. It’ll break her. Not to mention, I just drove past her house and saw that it was descending into some sort of rapid-forming sinkhole.”
Julia’s husband told reporters that his infidelity was just the beginning of her problems heading into the new year.
“Yeah, I’m cheating on her,” he said. “But that should be the least of her worries! She just joined a climbing gym as part of her new year’s resolutions whose ropes are described as ‘breaky’ on Yelp. Plus, she’s gotten really into peplum tops recently and I just know she’s going to regret that decision in a few months.”
At press time, you saw that Julia had texted her husband, “The world is my oyster!” while you and him were lying naked in bed together buying plane tickets to Italy on her credit card and eating the leftover pad thai she had been saving for dinner.
