A young lady by the name of Madison Becker just made history by becoming the youngest person to ever graduate college. But Becker, who is just seven years old, received her B.A. in communications and she went to a total party school so let’s not go too wild over it.
“Madison spoke her first words at three months, and was speaking in full sentences by the time she was one,” said Becker’s mother, Nancy Mann. “So it’s not that we aren’t proud of her, we were just surprised to see her treat college as an excuse to party for a few years before having to get a job. I’m still not sure what she’s planning on using that degree for.”
Becker, who remained undeclared for as long as her university would allow, finally settled on communications when a classmate warned her English would be a lot of reading.
“It’s not that communications is a blow-off major,” insisted Becker’s department adviser, Ruthann Hurley. “But you get out of it what you put in, and Madison was clearly just here for the social element: tail gates, pre games, and dorm life.”
“Plus, that lifestyle can’t be good for a young person’s brain development,” added Hurley. “Maybe that’s why it took her three years to graduate.”
Wow. Nobody should get their hopes up for the future of this little deadbeat graduate of the University of Colorado.
As for what comes next, Becker — who graduated in the top 60th percentile of her class (yikes) — doesn’t seem overly concerned or ambitious.
“I think I’m going to live at home for a while just to figure things out,” said Becker. “I think post-graduation is a really transitional time for everyone. For instance, I lost two teeth this week.”
“Maybe I’ll do something with social media marketing once I’m allowed to have an Instagram,” added Becker.
We bet you will, kiddo! Best of luck to Becker’s parents, here’s hoping they didn’t take out any loans for this shit.